An impromptu pilates class yesterday and a yoga class today along with a sunny walk in the park has left me a bit too open. Feeling shaky and vulnerable with eyesight too clear. Hoping a bit of sleep will shake me back to blur – or let me rise to the occasion of clarity.
can’t believe I still sit hunched with my face up against the computer screen for long stretches. I know better, I can do better. It’s like the drink when you don’t need it, a tub of ice cream, comfort chocolate, a place to hide but urgh, predictable really. My eyes hurt, my vision’s blurry and my shoulders are tight as hell.
The day I felt rough, demanded upon, tired, hazy and blurry. The end of the week and I found myself a tea-break alone and some time to settle, something switched. Some juicing some semi-supine, some staying up late clearing up and cooking, music, sewing, creative, alone and the gentle clarity is here with me showing me where I need to be. Humbled every time. Blessed.
needing rest or zest or something. Couldn’t shake myself outta the haze. Couldn’t do anything but sit still, numb until the tears came to clear me up.
holidays. Sunshine and sea. swimming in rivers. swimming under a tall waterfall – the clear sight of the water spraying in jets across the sky above me. Clear water around me, cool, alive.
Back home the sense that my space is so crowded, needs rearranging. That sense so clear – my vision so clear, soft and gentle. No doubling, no jumping. Soild but delicate. And on the next day too, outside the colours, the perspective, the distance – inside reading stories, all holding so well.
Now slowly back I’m challenged by the held patterns. Feel the tightness returning, anger rising, calm leaving and blurring back again. 2 steps into clarity and one back again. My clear vision is so good! And so strange and lonely and fragile and tiring.
urgh, all tight, a bit hazy, can’t get my eyes to work together, lots of swimming images joining and breaking apart. riight eye hole very present, bending straight lines around it.
Waiting for a bus and tired of chasing the clarity, the jumping double triple images, the clear thing with the smears of blur around, need a new way of looking. I have a go at looking from my belly button, that’s pretty good but a bit lower was even better. Way more control over the clarity…feels powerful…
having to keep my eye on child in the distance in the park. Sometimes jumping in and out of double, triple – blur. Felt like new ground, i didn’t jump up and run over (nearly) just stayed still and looked. There was the chaos but also clear, gentle. Struck again by just how 3 dimensional the clarity is when it is there. And how movement relates to that. Things in the foreground moving relative to the distance. Always slightly shocking and it takes my breath away.
Busy weekend, tired, stressors. Eyesight and everything all over the place. Hunched posture gnarled face and grumpy. Lots of moments over the last few days, thoughts all gone now. Too tired to retrieve them for writing, there will be more. I am hesitating about this blog now. It is supposed to be about my vision but my vision is not separate from my life and I don’t want to write completely about myself on this public forum. But anything less feels like a lie so what do I do?
okay so my vision was hitting pretty bloody awful today and it is always when I hit this state that I come running to the things that help. The same old story – doesn’t get fixed til it’s really broke. Not got the routines in place.
Reading to my kid is hard enough at the best of times but it took ages for the print to clear today and for such little glimpses. Haven’t felt such miscoordination between my eyes in a long time if ever. The past few days I have started feeling the connection of my tight right shoulder and my blur. Releasing the shoulder allowing a bit more stability to my clarity, oh but it keeps creeping up again….and stretching and palming tonight I got palpitations….going too fast, not paying attention to the buzz in my head the words spinning round? That’s where you come in, reader, listening to it, some of it.
I have a big hole in the vision in my right eye and when palming today it felt as if I had a huge lump sticking out of my forehead to the right. Energetically all over the place.
Back to it.
2realeyes 